took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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