3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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