our cab driver is having phone sex.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
