I need help removing her.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
