I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
