they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
