I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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