just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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