Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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