apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
