woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
