also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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