If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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