I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
