just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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