Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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