someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
