I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
