hotel room ftw
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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