He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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