Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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