Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
