did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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