i was born a porn star she said
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
