I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He passed out mid-signature
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
