and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
