I should be sponsored by Trojan
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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