WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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