I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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