we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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