also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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