fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
