ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
