okay pat passed out under dana's car
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
