tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
