I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
