12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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