Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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