So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
