thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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