I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
