Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
