What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
