So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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