it was like his penis was on wheels.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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