I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
