yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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