ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
