My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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