Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
