its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
