My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
