I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
