Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
