if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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