3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
