Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
