how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
