I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
