Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i think i just lost a toe
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize