Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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