she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
