Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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