I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
