I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
