I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize