So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
