I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize