i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
