you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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