i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
