I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Come back. Shots need mouths.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
