i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
