In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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