if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
